me, the messy

hello dear friend... funny, your face seems to be different from the last time i saw you. well you're face is always different everytime. i was trying to remember that time when we were kids. we used to run around school trying to escape from my piano teacher. and she would comb the grounds to find me. we sure did trick her didn't we? oh that wasn't you? i'm sorry. it was a long time ago. so i guess you remembered that time when we used to eat kamias and adobong mani after clasess when we were in gradeschool. you used to accompany me when i was waiting for my dad to pick me up. we used to push rock salts into the small fruit and it would look like mouth ulcers. oh no, that wasn't you either. but we used to go to ballet practise together, didn't we? i envied you. you danced really well. it was kinda funny when people look at us because we were both so thin. your sister was my sister's schoolmate then, remember? no? oh well. but you do remember that time when we always go to Kristina's house and we just kept on laughing and talking and we all went to watch movies. and we can do that the whole day! who's kristina? why, she's our friend back in highschool. no? so i guess you know that friend of ours who loves vampires. she was my seatmate and had short brown hair. she loves to write. she's a poet you know. she used to write poems for the Blue Flame. you haven't heard of the Blue Flame, you say? but she always had poems published in that paper. anyway, you must be the one who loves dogs. how are your dogs? who's taking care of them in davao? i beg your pardon? you don't have a dog! oh i'm sorry about that. well i certainly don't want to keep you from your work. did you ever try to take the board exams again? i think you'll be a pretty good lawyer considering how our conversations would always go. it seems that you're in the political circle back in pampanga. saudi? what do you mean? what in the world are you doing there? damn! you're not the lawyer? hmm.... saudi's pretty far away. i remember that time when you suddenly told me you'll be going to saudi. it was like a bomb dropped right on my head. you came back here but then i guess it's better there since you still went back to saudi. don't mind me, i'm just reminscing.... oh hey, sorry i must have drifted off somewhere. how's saudi again? what do you mean what about it? we were just talking about that. no? the windmill then! is your farm doing well? omigosh... i'm sorry to hear that. why didn't it push through? but you already ordered the windmill! i'm sorry i couldn't be there for you. so you're working for a call center now? oh yes yes, of course you're working there, we're both working there???? oh we're both working there! right! i've heard you're pregnant. i hope it's a girl this time... oh sorry, it's a boy then. and he's already 5 years old? i'm confused. so disoriented. we met in la salle you mean? who are you? i think i'm going crazy. let me just clear my head a bit............. well thank God! it's just a mirror!

just call it an exaggerated reaction. but here's what happened.

my boss suddenly called my officemate last week, said that he'll be coming in that day and will arrive in approximately 15 mins. that's pretty normal around here, is it not? of course you'll get the usual visits from your boss in your office once in a while. sometimes you'll see him whiz by your doorway hurrying to a meeting or wherever. but this, my friends, is totally different. you know why? because he was supposed to fly in from london and would you believe that it would only take 15 mins for that whole trip?!?!? he was supposed to arrive today, the 13th of November! and he was supposedly staying for only 2 days! but no!! he arrived November the 7th and can we even be not prepared enough? he's staying here with the wife till november the 17th. jeezz! oh yeah oh yeah, here's something that pissed me off almost to end of my wits. he checked my computer out, opened every single file! he found my picture too! and get this... he slowly smiled when he saw it! now what does that imply? and my officemate informed me that he'll be seeing me the early morning of the next day just to have a brief chat with me. sounds endearing... not! demet! i'd rather be alone in this whole floor than be alone with a boss who smiles slowly when he looks at my picture! and you know, i am very particular with my privacy which is why i got pissed off when he looked at each and every single file i have on this piece of $***! so the next i got in to the office, i put a freakin password on it! so now my officemate needs to ask me for the password everytime she logs in to it.

whew! i think that's all that it is in my system.

i just met them by the way. and they left about 10 mins ago. the wife is very beautiful! you wouldn't even believe why she married the man! he doesn't look messed up or anything. you'd just really wonder why when you see both of them, together. wife's half pinay and half brit by the way. anyway, i wasn't really in the mood to talk when they were here. was mostly quiet. i mean who in the hell would be in the mood to talk if you were sitting here for 5 hours basically doing nothing and being totally lost and confused if there's still a job to be done or not! i'm still not doing anything by the way. that's why i'm doing this now. what my boss briefed me about was utterly pointless! i would have just stayed with my good friend having "lunch" and laughing at him for the rest of my shift. hell, it's better than sitting here and getting myself deranged from all of this!

i did. and i'm sad to say that i got a disappointing answer. maybe that's why you don't ask people why they love you. we expect different things which causes the disappointments.


you'd probably wonder why i asked him that. i find myself silent when we talk you see. i can't think of anything to say anymore. i guess i'm running out of words. i used to be like a bouncing puppy, always excited to ask, to tell stories, make him laugh. there was always something to talk about. but there are just those times when i don't know what to talk about and i find myself sort of lost ina whirlpool and everything else is being sucked in it. sad, isn't it?


but then, i asked him if he thought i was crazy. and i got more than a satisfactory answer. it made me smile from ear to ear.


i don't think you can ask why a person loves you. knowing that someone loves you is actually more than enough. just lay back and enjoy the ride. because there's just so many reasons why a person does, and it not up to you to know them. you just have to give them enough privacy to savor that.


moral of the story, don't ask your loved ones why they love you....... just ask them if they think you're crazy! hahaha!


p.s. i love you baby!