me, the messy

did i get my sense of humor back?
i figured i needed it back.
i was jealous of her.
he seems to get along with her more than we do.
i just... i don't know.

on april 14, i realized that i may not be the one for you.
what you said, it still hurts. it cut very deeply.
i understand that there are just things that we won't go
along very well with. but we'll accept that because of the
fact that we love each other and not because we get along
with these matters. but i'll stay with you because i still
believe you're the one for me, i'll be here until you find
the real one for you.

i lost something somewhere
i actually lost a lot of things
well, most of it really.
i got stirred up
and i'm still swirling.
i don't know when it would stop.
i pray it would soon.
but every time i try
another thing adds up.
i don't know what to do.

it seems that every aspect is difficult for us right now. have you ever thought that this would happen? that both mobile phone and the internet are not working properly? it might just be coincidence. and it only proves to be difficult because we're independent on it to talk to each other i guess. maybe we can just send letters through snail mail. that would be fun! hahaha! but then i wouldn't know where to address the letter because you're always on the move. well, i can send it to your house in marbel, so that when you get home you'll see a package of letters waiting for you. and they'll be all from me.

i guess you're right about me being tired of this relationship. i'm sorry. i just feel so frustrated right now because having this relationship is wasting too much of our time and resources that it's becoming more of an inconvenience.

or maybe i just feel this way right now because i have all the time in the world to care and to feel like i'm being cared for. and that makes me feel like you have no time for me. Dear God! i do hope i get a job soon because i know that will be the solution to all this whining! i'll be busy and it would make me appreciate our time together even more or maybe not. we'll see.

My words got lost.
With it was my breath, my warmth.
I couldn't feel.
Everything was still.
He has plans.
I can't help but feel like I wasn't part of it.
It was too damn far.
Just too far.

Everything's a blur.
I don't want it to clear.
I don't want to see what's coming.
I don't want to go through it again.
I don't want to get left behind.

You lie there beside me, eyes closed with the face of innocence.
I explore your face, careful not to touch and wake you.
Bared of worry, nothing but calmness.
You're safety is my comfort.

I remember the rhythm of your breathing and the sound of your beating heart.
It rocks me to sleep. I feel nothing more but relief.
And yet overwhelmed. So I whisper it to you.

That memory, it soothes me to slumber.