Oct 28, 2006
no need for introductions or any formalities. it's so, well, baduy! hahahaha! wait, am i not just making an intro? oh sheesh!
anyway, this is quite a productive day. i've finally straightened out an almost-fight with one of my closest friends in the office through emails.... lots and lots of emails. it could have been a bloody battle if it was done personally. damn. was never really good with confrontations. when i confront, i confront and nothing else. just a series of statements and no considerations whatsoever. that's the thing about this deranged person, i am nice and good to people. but this angel can be a total devil of a bitch when i turn bad. anyway, here are some of the emails that were sent....
me:
****, what's wrong? why is it so hard for you to
accept "no" for an answer? I want to know
because I've noticed that every time I say no
for an answer you still persist on making me
do it anyway. is it so hard to believe that maybe
I don't want to stay and play table tennis? or
to actually shell out some money and treat?
it's not that I don't like playing table tennis, it's
just that sometimes I don't want to. and about
the treating part, remember when t**** was
here and we went drinking, I mean what was
that? didn't I say that I had to go home then
because my sister was here? terry was insisting
that she didn't even have money and you said
that, don't worry andun naman ako. didn't I just
say then that I didn't want to go. so ok I gave
in to the those times, I almost always give in don't I?
didn't you even notice my tone when I gave in then?
the thing that I hated most about times like these
is that sometimes you don't even bother asking
why I say no, so that at least you can understand or
at least consider my situation. is it that hard?
I'm sorry, I don't have any way of saying this.
not good with confrontations because I become blind.
I'm just getting all too fed up. I just don't want
bursting anger at you in person, kasi malapit na.
other party:
This actually is quite a surprise for me.
I don't know what to say, ***.
I know that I am quite a handful at times,
I know that most of the times I get What I want.
But reading your email, made me seem like a
"PARASITE", It's like all I ever do is to get you to buy me things,
food and accompany me. I never thought that it would actually come to this.
I feel so horrible right now, I don't know what to say.
Well, you could have at least said something earlier,
I am not that narrow minded, you know?
I actually feel so rotten right now,
"bursting in anger at me" , Never in my wildest dream, ***.
Never did I imagine nor think that it would actually come to this.
I try my best to be a good friend to you and to everybody else.
This really hurts, you know why?
Because it took you this long before telling me.
I feel like a fool, all the while I thought we're OK, guess, I was wrong.
It really hurts, but I also feel so ashamed of my self.
It's like all I ever did was take advantage of you and your generosity.
I thought that we were good friends, now all I will ever do is think back.
On the times that you treated me, you lent me money, and everything else.
Was it all because you couldn't say "no" to me?
Why couldn't you say no?, I mean, who am I to say no to?
Now I feel like everything just turned upside down.
I don't know what else to say....
Just don't be surprised if I'm not the same anymore....
Hindi sa nagmamalaki ako, I know you'll understand.
And don't worry, I'll try to settle all my "damages" as quick as possible.
If I have to get another loan, I will, just to settle everything.
Para matapos na ang gulo sa isip ko.
I just wish that I knew sooner, para naman hindi ko isipin na lahat ng nangyari eh, kasalan ko.
Nalalabuan lang kasi ako eh, anyway, I'll see you around.
well, these are just one of those moments when i lose it. there were a couple of more emails that were sent to me. a lot of blah blah that i didn't really care reading because i was just really asking for an answer. here's the thing. i hate people beating around the bush. i asked the question directly, explained for my inquiry and that's it. now all i want is a direct answer and an explanation. just the way i said it you know. the tone was not that of anger in my initial email, just that of demand of an answer and a reason. in the following emails came the slow rise of anger in me. because again, a reply is just what i'm asking for. and she did reply, just had the wrong content...
lemme continue this later, need mid day sustainance....
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