me, the messy

I was going through my multiply and found that my friend and former officemate, Mel, replied to my previous post about rants. Don't worry Mel, i'm okay now. It's all cool... so anyhoo, passed by her account and found this post of hers about Basti (which was posted more than a month ago. i can't believe i read it just now. sorry mel!). and i thought, oh yeah, Basti, vocalist of the ever famous band, Wolfgang. And it all came back to me again....

I guess it started about 5 or 6 years ago when me and my fanatic wolfgang siblings went chasing after the band one gig after another. well that was when i was in college, first college that is(haha!), and was finally legite to go out and drink. of course my parents didn't know. they might have guessed but then i was with my siblings so it was fine. anyway, we were fans eversince they first got their album released. it was the era of cassette tapes back then. allowance of P20 was enough for a day (don't ask me how old i was then because i honestly can't remember). and a week without snacks was the ulitimate sacrifice just to get a tape of wolfgang's first album. hey, if you were rakero at heart, you'd do anything to get to buy their tape. can't remember which company got to record their first album but i remember that it was something to do with being white. hold on for a sec..... ivory. it was the only album they had with ivory, if my memory's still intact. and if i do remember correctly, when the band was already so big, ivory decided to release a sort of like the legends album of wolfgang's debut. sheesh. i don't know if the band got a cut from that...

going back, wolfgang is one of those bands who survived through the evolution of music by still making it good. and when i say good music, it's not because it has a catchy tune. it should be good in everything, the lyrics, the sound, the harmony of the instruments. exaggerated i know but if you know how to listen, then you'll know what i mean. and wolfgang had that, and it didn't matter if the song was in English or in Filipino, it was still really good.

i remember the Black Mantra album. it was the very last album they had before the band temporarily broke up. back then CDs were still amazing when it came to secondary data storage. so they had it released still in cassette tapes with a boot leg too. damn! i bought at least 3 of those. and i kept buying and buying and i gave it as presents to my friends and fellow die hard wolfgang fanatics. never got the CD of it by the way. my sister bought one but that was the time when we weren't really updated with the music scene anymore. she also bought the Volume album when it was released in US. well she didn't buy it personally but had one of our cousins in the states to buy it for her. a couple of years later, Volume was released here in the Philippines. haha! oh well. she does have the US released album of Semenelin in which Mata Ng Diyos became Watermarks. the Filipino version is better if you ask me.

Attending their gigs was by far one of the highlights of the times i've enjoyed and bonded with my siblings i guess. We never left the house if one of us was missing, well most of the time. I was usually the one missing because I was still in college then. projects to do and getting ready for exams, all that crap that served to be useless because i soon found my self following wolfgang's vocalist to the other side of Taft Ave. Yep, despite not having any soil where it can grow, the grass was greener there.

My mom always blamed the fact that i've always agreed to go out with my siblings to those gigs, for the reason why i sought out for greener pastures. As if la salle wasn't green enough, eh? I've always denied it. Because again, I was having the time of my life. I wouldn't remember any of these memories if I didn't. it's not that i'm actually proud of what happened, but those times were like long, hot, relaxing baths at the end of the mind-twisting, shoulder-tensing, eye-soring days of ehem, my first college.

There's more to remember, more to share, more that i've always treasured back then, but i'll leave it at that. if i keep on blabbing about this, you'll soon find out how much more exaggerated and how much of brat i was back then. Past is past anyway, and there are things that I'd rather keep to myself.

FYI, i didn't work for you to be on call. and FYI, my officemate did send you guys the list of holidays for this week. so why the hell did you have to call me in the middle of the night and yes, you just had to call when i was about to drift off to a very good night's sleep! the problem with you people is you don't actually read you're emails. you just go through them without even letting the purpose of the email register in your pea-sized brains! no, as a matter of fact, you don't read them. you actually admitted that you just go through them back when you were still here briefing us on what to do! which means that you're just looking at the letters from left to right starting at the top most line.

no, that's not addressed to any of you. it's for those people who decided that they wanted to set up and expand their stupidity here in this country. oh yeah, they're stupid alright. sheesh they can't even read properly. they probably work too much that they don't even know what the word "holiday" means! and just so you guys know, i didn't even answer that damned phone of mine. made up some lame excuse that i wasn't able to get to it on time because i'm doing what most filipinos are doing right now, sleeping! and to think he tried to get to my conscience to make me wanna work with the line that "they've been working over the week end". well excuse me, that's not my problem. you clearly stated in the contract that my days off would be on weekends. and you knew that today (well till 5 minutes ago) was declared a holiday!! can't you at least respect that?

dammit! i'm going to bed! i'll soon regret this but who the hell cares?!? i'm furiously irritated right now! who the wouldn't be anyway? $#^%!!!!

it was last july 31. we were having breakfast at mcdo. you were reading the newspaper while i was writing it on the muffin using strawberry jam. i'll never forget that look on your face when i offered it to you.

It's been a long while isn't it? There are so many things that I'd like to
back track myself into. Work, studies.... And I'd like to recall when I last
had fun with my life. I can't seem to remember anymore but I'm sure
it wasn't life as it is now.

When I was still following the norm that dictates how life should be in this
community about a few years ago, i used to get comments from the people
i looked up to, saying that i should enjoy life while i'm still not in their
world. But being in the status of where i was, on the brink of finally getting
out of almost a decade of studying college, i was all too excited and all too
fascinated with getting in to the corporate world. But i think i got into it too
soon. Because working was like starting another race before even reaching
the finish line of the current one. I juggled work and studies at the same
time. I'm still amazed that I got to the very end of the very last lap of the
very long race of college.

It's probably insane to say it, but it was fun. Working and studying was like
a fast track. The speed was addictive. So when i was finally done with
studying, working was a rather boring life and I've grown to hate my job.
Who wouldn't? It was stressful and tiring and it was always the same every
single damned day! The same calls, the same complaints, the same effing
irate and frustrated customers bellowing their lungs out so that they can
just feel good over something that wasn't even my fault! Hell! If they
wanted so much to do such a thing then they should have just called their
f*cking shrinks! I worked for the company to help them with the Internet
connection and not to listen to their insanity! Sheesh!

Well clearly I'm not over with that experience. Let me just take a
breather here and get back to you later....

(posted this in my multiply account on september 28 and for got to cross post it here)

I never thought I would feel such a thing in my life. But i guess it comes
with our nature as humans.

I've always been very open when it comes to relationships. But this wasn't
a threat to the one that i have with my boyfriend. This was really a very
simple thing and i can't believe, can't even start to imagine that i felt...
feel...very strongly about it! i'm sure you would share the sentiments.

you see, i call him baby, or babes. and by some accident, his classmates
knew about it and started teasing us. and ever since then (here it comes)
one of them, who by the way happens to be one of the closest friends he has
there and who is a girl, started to call him babes as well.

yes, it's as simple as that! someone else is calling him babes! and by God!
it's the very first time i ever felt it and i didn't know what it was and so i
gave in to the fact that it might actually be jealousy! what's worse,i even
cried over it. can you believe that? i can't! but the feeling was just so sudden
and it wasn't really nice.

any girl can cry because of jealousy, right? but sheesh, in this situation,
i admit it's truly shallow. it is rather funny. but if you were in my shoes,
that ugly feeling was more overwhelming than hilarity so you'll result into
tears. and there he was, my baby drowning himself in laughter!

so was i when i went back to that memory a few days after it happened.